Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
