He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
