My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
