Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
