after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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