Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
