nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
