I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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