remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize