ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
