I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
