I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
