Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
