I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
