i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
