I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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