How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Im part way to drunk.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
