we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
