I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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