it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
