I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize