I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
