Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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