One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
