Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
