Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
