I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
