Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
