dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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