why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
