Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
