I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
