Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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