I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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