There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
