Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
