I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
