is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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