man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
