I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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