There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize