Are we in a gay sports bar?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
