This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
