i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
