butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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