The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize