I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I've blown a few things in my day
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
