So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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