Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
