eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They took my balls.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
