Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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