my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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