She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
