I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I touched a dick in church today
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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