____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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