guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
