Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
