My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
