Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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