I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
