Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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