Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize