Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just made out with a guy for $7.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
