It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
