Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
