chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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