The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
